September 1, 2008

A year ago, supposedly was one of my greatest achievements as was one of the top 10 who took the board exam in our field. Unfortunately, the person whom I should have offered this achievement was on the hospital bed due to health problem and overlooked medical concern.

September 1, 2008 was the day that I should be happy but the recognition was hollow and incomplete and difficult to be just plain happy knowing that my mother was in the state of tug-of-war with death. I should not suppose to go to the oath taking but my sister pushed me telling that my absence in one weekend wont be a burden, and Ill just enjoy the occasion, which is one in a lifetime event, assuring me my mother will be fine in my absence.

the container as token of the oath taking

I was so fortunate that my alma mater provided me the fare in going to Manila. The dean then, offered me this arrangement, even without asking. She even arranged for two or three for my parents to come with me. I only payed for my food and accommodation.

Aside from pictures I took, the only token/memorabilia for the event was this heart-shaped tin container of cookies from Manila Hotel, which I gave her, when she woke up and be able to sit, three weeks after. Despite the cheap cost of the cookies tin container, she pressed it close to her heart and cried asking me her forgiveness for not able to attend the occasion for "I am her lying and I dont know what was happening around me".

That year was one of my extremes experience. You cannot completely be happy because there was your loved one on the verge of uncertainty, yet you cannot be totally sad because you have this great accomplishment of your hard work.

That made me think sometimes, when I am meditating. I can say, "SI Lord talaga, ayaw akong pasayahin ng lubusan. Na-bless ako sa exam, pinahirapan naman si Nanay pati kami". Whatever the Lord's will for me, for us, then, we gladly received it. And trusted Him. It may seemed too hopeless, devastating and disappointing, I believed there was something better stored for us the Lord wanted to give us as surprise.

new things in life

While on a working trip on a farm site of a project, I strayed away from our group and look for something weird and unusual. And these were what Ive seen:

This tree is surprisingly quite beautiful at closer look. Afar, it has nothing impressive of this tree. It looks like any other ordinary tree. But when I observed the fruit along the twigs, it amazed me. I passed this tree twice and only I noticed this when I was leaving the area and planned to go back to the group to help collect some data. It was like coffee plant bearing fruits profusely. In one side, it looks like “bignay”. When I asked a local if this is “bignay”, he said it was not.

from afar, nothing special of this tree

like coffee beans on branch

up close

Another plant I observed was this green fruit bearing tree. It is also an ordinary looking tree but it also has a beautiful green fruits. What caught my attention when I zoomed in my point and shoot camera, it has some fruits that cracked open. I believed it is its propagation mechanism to spread its seeds for another plant of its kind will grow. But looking around, there was no other same plant that grows near the tree.

cracker tree(?), green rubber seed?

While taking a shot to this tree, something white thing leaped up. When I checked what it was, this cute white tree frog, I guess, seemed wanting to be featured also. Definitely, it gets what it wants.

this was taken 5 inches away, apparently it loves the camera

In the area, and like other marshy part of the province, the “lumbia” is quite common. But it was not always that I can see that most of the plants bear fruit. It was the reason that I strayed from the group because of this lumbia. And what supposedly only a lumbia shoot gave was a more fascinating discovery on this part of the farm.

With this I affirmed, one cliché that sometimes we put too much passion on the biggest dreams and priorities in life that we fail to love the smallest pleasure from simple things. We search so much for the right choices, for the right paths to walk through, for the right time and for the right reasons. But life is not about searching for the things that can be found. It is about letting the unexpected happen and finding things you never searched for...

Free me

People sometimes are like birds. I got this impression when I caught a bird slammed to our glass wall by the stairs. It incidentally got in the building through an open window and no longer knew how to get out. That was when I caught it.

Back to the analogy, I believed that in life, sometimes we were trapped with wrong decision that we thought was the right move. Or sometimes we enter to a situation that we thought was a comfort zone for us, believing that it a small world and we can easily get use to and can settle easily due to seemingly simple environment and safe haven. But it’s a deception.

While regaining its strength, we had a close chat with the bird

In the same way, we risk ourselves by hastily making decisions, thinking of a clear way out to a problem but it is only a false solution. What seemed a clear solution was a life-threatening act unless given time to dissect the matter. The bird, upon seeing the clear glass thinks that it is already the escape it is looking for. With haste, it flew straight to it but instead of getting out to the open, it slammed to a head whacking surprise to the clear glass wall. Sometimes, if fate is not on their side, death is their only way of escape.

In life, major decisions and steps with life-changing outcome should not be dealt with carelessly. Thorough understanding of the situation with wise counsel from your friends and people with Godly wisdom are only two of the most basic requisite to attain a more likely effective solution. People you trusted are important in crafting decision. This could be your parents, husband or wife, religious family, or close friend. Most importantly, one must seek the guidance of God.

Like the bird’s fall, might be hard yet, it was not fatal. The bird tried to get up and flew. But it was impossible till some time when it regained from being horrifyingly slammed to the glass wall.

Fly, fly and away....

What is important is after your fall you know how to get up and think again to leap off. After all, tomorrow is another day.