September 1, 2008

A year ago, supposedly was one of my greatest achievements as was one of the top 10 who took the board exam in our field. Unfortunately, the person whom I should have offered this achievement was on the hospital bed due to health problem and overlooked medical concern.

September 1, 2008 was the day that I should be happy but the recognition was hollow and incomplete and difficult to be just plain happy knowing that my mother was in the state of tug-of-war with death. I should not suppose to go to the oath taking but my sister pushed me telling that my absence in one weekend wont be a burden, and Ill just enjoy the occasion, which is one in a lifetime event, assuring me my mother will be fine in my absence.

the container as token of the oath taking

I was so fortunate that my alma mater provided me the fare in going to Manila. The dean then, offered me this arrangement, even without asking. She even arranged for two or three for my parents to come with me. I only payed for my food and accommodation.

Aside from pictures I took, the only token/memorabilia for the event was this heart-shaped tin container of cookies from Manila Hotel, which I gave her, when she woke up and be able to sit, three weeks after. Despite the cheap cost of the cookies tin container, she pressed it close to her heart and cried asking me her forgiveness for not able to attend the occasion for "I am her lying and I dont know what was happening around me".

That year was one of my extremes experience. You cannot completely be happy because there was your loved one on the verge of uncertainty, yet you cannot be totally sad because you have this great accomplishment of your hard work.

That made me think sometimes, when I am meditating. I can say, "SI Lord talaga, ayaw akong pasayahin ng lubusan. Na-bless ako sa exam, pinahirapan naman si Nanay pati kami". Whatever the Lord's will for me, for us, then, we gladly received it. And trusted Him. It may seemed too hopeless, devastating and disappointing, I believed there was something better stored for us the Lord wanted to give us as surprise.