The day i said goodbye

September 22 was the day i said goodbye to NGT and tracheo tubes of my mother.

It was a beautiful day but it brought fear and apprehension to me and my sister, maybe my mother felt more than we did. It was the day that her NGT and tracheo tubes will be removed. In the morning, everything was in a rush – falling in line, looking and remembering hows that thing looks like, where is that yellow card?, dismissal slip, paying, and bringing the patient to designated clinic of the OPD (out-patient department). At the designated department time moves very slowly, the ticking of the clock seemed to drag for a lifetime. And so my mother was already tired after an hour. She wanted to lie down. We look for a stretcher because she cannot sit for long on a wheel chair. Fortunately there was one available at the hospital.

It was indeed fortunate enough because I and my sister did not think that we will be second to the last patient to leave the ENT clinic in the afternoon. In the morning we were at the Internal Medicine (IM) department after which we were referred to the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) department. In the IM Department, the doctor tried if she can already drink water. She did. So her NGT was removed. Next, she tried to cover the connector opening of the tracheo tube, if she can breathe. She seemed. She told us that he will refer us to the ENT Department. We were still hesitant to allow the removal of her tracheo. What if she cannot make it to remove both NGT and tracheo tube at the same time? Let us affirm this to the doctor. That was already past 12 noon.

When it was already about 5pm, my mother was already hysterical but she could not send out a voice so she just ended up crying and pounding her fist on her other palm. We pitied her for her situation. I am not sure if that was because she was tired of the day’s waiting or of prolonging the agonizing fear how this removal of tracheo would end up. Even when we entered the clinic, she continued crying covering her face with her palms. I just wiped off her watery nose and tears while giving her encouragement and assurance that it won’t be long and she'll be fine. We waited still for almost 45 minutes inside the clinic before we were entertained.

On the operating table, first the doctor tried to pull the connector holding the neck plate but it seemed that the other side of the tube was already adhering to her flesh. After some try it was successfully removed and an OS (I don’t know if I heard it right, but it’s only a sterilized gauze) was covered to her throat while an assisting intern was suctioning her mouth for saliva and secretions so not to drown her, as they said. While the doctor covered her throat she was moved to sit and she send out a grueling, terrifying growl as she tried to run after her breath and expressing her difficulty in breathing. She sounded like a slaughtered pig that is on its last breaths. After some time of that panicking moment on our part, the doctor removed the OS to be replaced with new one because blood and some phlegm or secretions dripped out from the gauze. After the blood and secretion flood out from her throat, everything, in just a click-second, a moment of stillness showed a success.

Inside of me, during the removal of the operation, I was also battling the feeling of fainting. The time I saw the blood and secretions flood out from her throat and the opening on her throat due to the tracheo tube, my visions got blurred and I felt I will be shutting out. I moved away from the table. The attending head nurse told me to keep the tubes, so I moved to collect those and got out from the room and ask for water from our helper who was waiting outside. The time I entered the room, I was already fine.

I learned that it is not good to lengthen the time of keeping the patient with tracheo tubes. It will cause a possibility that the patient will have tracheo tube for a lifetime. Maybe that can be explained by the adhering flesh to the tube when it was removed. My mother had that accessory on her throat for 2 months exactly. Her NGT was attached to her for 2 months and 1 day. Goodbye NGT and tracheo, then.